Denali!

So I went to the doctor for my regular monthly baby-growing checkup, and the doctor (not my normal doctor, who was booked up and couldn't see me) told me that I weighed too much, that I would make things hard on myself in the future, and that if I would "lay off the cookies," everything would be okay.

This is a loss to me for several reasons. First, this pregnancy has been the first time since I was, say, seven years old that I have felt happiness and pride in my body and what it can do, rather than wishing I could hack pieces of fat off of myself with a knife. So that's over now. I think this is a bigger loss to me than the illusion that I was healthy and doing the right thing for myself and my baby, because there is still a chance to be healthy in the future. But I can't regain that sense of peace with my body.

Second, it is a loss of peace of mind in another way. My weight was one thing, maybe the only thing, that I haven't been worrying about since I got pregnant. Most of my other worries -- my dirty house, my bank accounts, my car, my jobs, my inability to pick or keep friends -- have grown and become more aggressive since I have been pregnant. But I was able to cross off the body worries. But that's over now, too. So now, every bite I eat I get to wonder, "Is this too much? Is this too little? Is the balance of nutrients on this fork just right? Am I nourishing my baby? Am I overnourishing myself?" It's like the way I used to worry about food and fatness, except that now I get the added guilt that I am somehow hurting my baby's good chances of health and happiness on top of my own.

And this comes at a time when I am losing more and more power every day. When I have this baby, I will not be able to work outside the home anymore (which I probably couldn't do anyway because no one that I have met will hire a pregnant lady for a full-time job). And what person gets less respect than a stay-at-home mom? A fat stay-at-home mom. Everyone will think I'm lazy now for two reasons, instead of just one.

And yet I'm confused. When I look in the mirror, I honestly don't think I look that fat. My belly's bigger, of course, but that's all baby. It isn't jiggly at all. My legs are a little bigger, but even those aren't out of hand yet. Nothing else even looks any fatter to me. I guess my face is a little rounder, but how much weight can face fat really add? Like a half a pound, tops. I even still go in at the waist, and if you look at me from directly behind, you can barely even tell that I'm pregnant.

The doctor's admonition to lay off the cookies is the most rankling of all. This particular doctor was not exactly svelte himself. Also, cutting back on baked goods has never been enough to convince my body to let go of extra pounds. Neither is taking a nice sensible 20 minute walk three times a week, which is basically what I'm limited to doing as a pregnant person. I have a metabolism that could be pretty accurately characterized as Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh -- big, gray, squishy, sad, and slow. The only thing that I have ever been able to do to influence it is to stop eating all sugar, even the sugar in fruit, and to pound my body with hours of high-intensity cardio every week. Just to maintain a weight, I have to do an hour and a half on the elliptical 3 to 4 times a week, with lots of weight training and walking in between.

So that's it I guess. I'm a little dismayed and disappointed, not to mention embarrassed at being called out on my weight. I worked really hard to lose a bunch before I got pregnant, just so this exact situation wouldn't occur. And it has anyway :/

Words of encouragement appreciated.

3. The Dog Park at Tom Brown Park.
This Wonder is the place to go when you are feeling jaded and tired and disgusted with the world for various reasons. Here you can let your dog run free, if you have a dog, and imagine that it is you, running through a field of tall grass, tongue lolling out to the side, landing in the mud pit at the corner and wallowing in deep unadulturated pleasure. If you don't have a dog, you can watch them just the same. I realize this might sound kind of creepy, but it isn't bad research. If you are considering getting a dog (like I am), you can observe different breeds, and different individuals of the same breed.

All the dog parents lean against the fence and watch, like teary-eyed mothers on the first day of kindergarten, as their little furry kids run around and make new friends. I like to watch them (the dogs, not the people) form packs and trot around the enclosure. I also really like it when a tiny dog from the little dogs area (they have a separate pen from the big dogs), who has the size and toughness quotient of a jelly doughnut, starts barking and growling at a Rottweiler or something. The big dog stares back, confused. (Why is that gopher barking at me?) The little dog, not to be put off, redoubled his efforts. It's better than the three stooges.

This Wonder is wonderfully free of charge.

I am one of the few students at FSU (that I have met) who would not like to leave Tallahassee as soon as possible. I actually like it. It's a little slow sometimes, and it does not quite get to be called "cosmopolitan." Perhaps "bustling," but let's not get carried away.

In honor of the new Seven Wonders of the Modern World list that has just come out, I would like to present my own list, the Seven Wonders of Tallahassee. These are the spots that I would recommend maybe for tourists (if a tourist happens to find himself in Tallahassee), but even moreso for new or longtime residents of Tallahassee.

These places all seem to me to be interesting enough to sustain multiple visits, and as an added bonus, many of them are cheap or free.

Some of these sites also bring a good amount of childhood nostalgia for me, although I am considering putting together a separate list for Tallahassee in the eighties -- a very different town than the one we live in now.

And so, without further ado:

THE SEVEN WONDERS OF TALLAHASSEE
(in the order that I thought of them)

1. The 22nd floor of the Florida Capitol Building.
If you enjoy stepping away to get a new perspective on things every once in a while, I recommend the top floor of the capitol. It is usually not crowded, and has large vinyl seats placed at intervals to face out the window. The windows are quite large, and run around the entire floor. If you squint you can see them from the ground as you walk up to the building. Another bonus is that it is kept pretty cool, especially in the really hot summer months. There is an art gallery there, too, where you can see paintings by Florida artists. The collections rotate every once in a while, so there is usually something new to see. If you work downtown, this is a great place to eat your lunch every once in a while.

It is free to get in, but a little more tricky since 9/11. The top floor is more prone to random closings, and you do have to go through a security check with metal detectors. Your best bet for parking is a meter on the street or the Kleman Plaza garage (which is only about a block away). It is definitely worth it to try to go.

nostalgia tip: This is one of the places where my brother, sister, and I used to go with my Mom during the summer. We would pack a picnic lunch (usually including grapes and Little Debbies) and ride up. We would try to spy our house, and other familiar landmarks in the funny, tiny miniature version of our town in front of us. On clear days Mom would point out to the horizon and say, "Look! We can see Georgia!" I never knew how she could distinguish the broccoli-looking trees of Florida from the broccoli-looking trees of Georgia, but the ability to see clear into another state is one of the top reasons to visit this Wonder.

2. The Florida Museum of Natural History
This is the closest thing that Tallahassee has to a zoo (aside from the poo-smelling pet store in the mall, I suppose), and it is definitely worth a trip. If you are asking for directions from a long-time Tallahassean, it would be best to call it the "Junior Museum" for the sake of efficiency. That used to be its name and frankly I think they should change it back. It costs something between $8 and $12.

There are many highlights to this Wonder, including (but not limited to!) a guest animal that changes every few months, bald eagles so close you could touch them if you weren't afraid they'd eat your fingers, Florida panthers, mean snakes you can see in a cage AND in the wild, the otters (my personal favorite), and some black bears that are pretty playful. There is also a fox that sleeps in a little doughnut shape (like a cat) in the crook of a tree, and some alligators that lay around looking bored. The whole complex is often decorated by a handful of albino squirrels, too, who aside from being all-white are also completely fearless (I saw them scampering through the panther enclosure once). Unfortunately, there are no monkeys native to Florida, hence, no monkeys in this zoo. I like monkeys.

They also have a little pioneer village, including a farmhouse, farm animals, and a blacksmith's shop that is sometimes up and running so you can see the whole grimy process. I think there's a grain mill of some kind too.

Be sure to check out the "bird room" -- a nice (cool, air conditioned) building with a big plate glass window where you can look at a bunch of birds flying through the trees. Once when I was there we spied the tall, flightless Evil Spoonbill, a rare treat. Until a few years ago, they tended to roost much farther north.

nostalgia tip: I once disturbed a yellow-jacket nest in the monkey grass while visiting the museum on a pioneer day of some sort. We had just tasted sassafras and cane syrup, and I was wearing little white sandals. The mean little bugs came out (okay, so I would be mad too if someone stepped on my house) and one of them stung me. I still remember how much it hurt, and to this day I steer clear of the monkey grass lining the paths. I am sure I made a royal fuss. My grandma and cousin and aunt were there, too, I remember, along with my sister and me. I don't remember if brother was born yet or not.

We also used to go to this museum about once a year for school field trips, and everybody's favorite was always the otters. Mine too. They are always slipping and diving around.

Incidentally, these otters are indirectly related to the marriage of Husband and me. Not long after we started dating, we went to the museum one Saturday. A few days later, at a bowling alley with his uncle, we discussed how much we liked the otters. The conversation went something like this:

ME: Wouldn't it be cool to have a pond of otters in your backyard?

HUSBAND: That *would* be cool.

M: What would their names be?

H: I don't know. What *should* we name our otters?

Our otters? I thought to myself. *Our* otters? We will communally own otters? Both of us together?

I looked over at Husband, and considered. He would not be a bad person to co-own otters with, I decided. My fate was happily sealed a few short weeks later, as I realized that I wanted to share much more with him, even more than a pond full of otters.

Tomorrow: Wonders #3 and #4.

Okay, so I was just kidding abut that last entry

Ok, I admit it. I read celebrity news. This kind of "news" is generally a bunch of silly hearsay from sources "close to the actress," but I discovered that it relieves the stress of graduate work (read: overanalyzing EVERYTHING) for the few minutes I am reading it. That is really all I have to say in defense of myself. I know it's ridiculous.

That said, I clicked on an article today about Paris Hilton voluntarily starting her jail sentence. In the article, she is quoted as saying that while she could have spent the time in a paid jail, she decided to go to the county jail instead, to prove that she is not quite the spoiled brat that she is portrayed to be.

Okay, so granted that this is probably a publicity stunt, and granted also that she is not really serving like the common man (since her celebrity entitles her to a separate cell for her own safety). But when I read this, something in me said, "Go, Paris!" It's true, she probably could experience something more comfortable than the LA county jail. And imagine how much harder a jail sentence (or even something like a public high school or a grocery store) would be for an heiress than, say, you or me. In choosing not to take the easiest way out, she has earned a little bit of my respect. Not that she was looking for it. But I'm proud of her

What are your thoughts on the Hilton debacle?