Rocks that Move

Due to my continued inability to manage my time this semester, I was up until 5 in the morning grading essays about "Imperialism." But I learned some interesting things. Here are six, one for each hour past my bedtime that I was awake...

1. Imperialism in China was just like Orwell's "1984," while Imperialism in India was more like Huxley's "Brave New World."

How? Well, I sure wish I knew. The student did not tell me.

2. By observing a marriage precession in Delhi, you can change the face of history. All you have to do is write an essay saying how strange it all was, and people all over the world will instantly want to conquer India.

Well, this is almost true. It just didn't happen from the particular essay we read in class.

3. Robert Fortune hated/loved the Chinese who widely accepted/rejected British Influence. Meanwhile, Emma Roberts absolutely loved/despised the Indians and their culture, while Helen Mackenzie totally hated the Indians and despised their culture, except when she praised them for how great they are.

Make up your mind, dammit!!!!!

4. The ability to describe a parade in detail is a quality of the female gender, while the ability to disguise yourself as a Chinese merchant and observe opium smokers is a characteristic of the male gender.

No wonder I always want to dress up in costumes and look for hippies.

5. The fact that the Indians liked to have big, fancy parades with elephants and horses and bright and vivid colors and grandeur demonstrated how the Indians were an inferior nation than the Chinese, who were so much more calm and reserved... as was evident from their smoking of opium and using chopsticks.

Logic.

6. My favorite: The British stretched their power over all the world with a big, elastic hand! But it was not just any elastic hand, it was a big, STICKY elastic hand that reached out and snatched culture, but culture stuck to the elastic sticky hand, bringing foreign culture back to Britain, where the elastic hand was replaced by New Imperialism.

Then, I presume, the big elastic hand moved on to do Foo Fighter videos.